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How will Caesar and Ilena die?

March 1, 2009
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Here are my theories on how the newest red-shirts on the Lost island will bite it:

  • They will be bitten by paralyzing spiders, and then buried alive.  Oh wait, that already happened to Nicky and Paulo.
  • They will be hit with flaming arrows.  Oh wait, that death has been taken by Frogurt.
  • The smoke monster will get them.  No, been there done that … multiple times.
  • They will drown while out for a swim.  Oh wait that already happened in season 1.
  • The Others will come to the camp at night and kill them, a la Scott, I mean Steve.  Wait which one died?
  • A mysterious group of scary military types will set up camp on a freighter off island.  They will then ambush Caesar and Ilena in Othersville and shoot them to hell … damn, that one’s taken too.
  • They will find a mysterious yellow plane, and Locke will convince them to check it out.  While listening to the radio broadcast inside, the plane will fall off the face of the mountain, and they will bleed to death painfully.  Darn, Boone took that one.
  • Another crash victim will unwittingly shoot them, provoked by the whispers.  Oh right, that was Shannon.
  • Kate will blow them up inside a house.  No, Kate did that to her dad.
  • A treacherous member of their group will shoot them when trying to rescue Ben.  Hmmm … Michael already did that to save his son.
  • Locke will kill them because they are set on leaving the island.  Hmmm … I vaguely remember something like that happening last season.
  • Ben will convince them not to kill themselves, only to then strangle them.  Shoot, Locke already died that way.
  • Ben will fall in love with Ilena, and thus decide that Caesar must die.  She’s HIS, ALL HIS!
  • They will be sacrifices that the island demanded.
  • They will get “the sickness,” and have to be shot … uh oh, Danielle already killed a bunch of “sick” people.
  • They will drown heroically, after saving the entire island.  Although, now that I think of it, Charlie probably took care of that possibility.
  • They will get the time-travel nose-bleed sickness and die tragically.  That would kind of steal Charlotte’s thunder though.

Upon further reflection, it seems that all the possible deaths on the island have already been explored.  To my mind there are only a few options left:

  • The shark will eat them.
  • A piano will fall on them from the sky.
  • An anvil will drop on them.
  • Elmer Fudd will shoot them.  “I shot the rabbit!”
  • They will join Jacob’s zombie horde, a la Claire.

Yep, that’s pretty much it.  My favorite is the last one.  Hee.  Farewell Caesar and Ilena, we barely knew you.

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