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Chuck Norris Facts

June 17, 2009

In honor of my 24 hour vacation, and in continuation with my previous post about Felicia Day Rumors, here are a couple links to some "Chuck Norris Facts."   For the uninitiated, Chuck Norris was a TV action star, of Walker, Texas Ranger fame, etc.  It used to be on t.v. all the time during my childhood.  He’s famous for a special roundhouse kick he used to do, and beating guys up unrealistically in every episode.  The "Chuck Norris Facts" became a pop culture phenomenon in the 90s, or early 2000s (Wikipedia says it started in 2005, but I don’t really believe that–weren’t they already around in the mid 90s?!?).  Anyways, they’re inane and hilarious.  Here are my faves:

  • Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep.  He waits.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason that Waldo is hiding.
  • When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • Chuck Norris does not read books.  He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity … twice.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch.  HE decides what time it is.
  • If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
  • Chuck Norris can eat only one Lay’s potato chip.
  • Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer.  Too bad he has never cried.
  • Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.
  • Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross.  Just never his own.
  • Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
  • Chuck Norris does not use spell check.  If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Chuck Norris Facts

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